did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just googled if crying burns calories
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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