my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
