this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
