Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
