You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
