i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
