rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
