don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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