i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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