respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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