he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
