Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
