I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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