alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
