Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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