It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
