You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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