i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
