omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
