So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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