Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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