After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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