I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
the raccoons are back...
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