You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
