I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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