Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
