We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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