White coat. Heels.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
