How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
