Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
