there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
