Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize