so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You left your phone here
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