who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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