I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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