What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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