Kareoke will never be a sober sport
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
