Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
