As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
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He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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