Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
