some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
