The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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