eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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