I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
