my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
