We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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