I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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