you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
