the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
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No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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