Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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