sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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