I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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