so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
