Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
