but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
