Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I lost the right to judge tonight
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
