Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
