we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
