I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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