It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
