i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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