so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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