i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
